Levy and Gajeel's Cracktastic Wedding
by DemonLover8115
Summary: Crack fic started on Mangafox forums, includes multiple couples, inside jokes, and many WTF? moments. Ch. 1: The Engagement, Ch. 2: The Wedding, Ch. 3: Bonus fic for Rogue Cheney. Expect OOCness, especially in chapter 2.
1. The Engagement

**Alright, my GaLe crack fic! This will be broken into 3 chapters with this first chapter focusing on the engagement and events leading up to the wedding. It's not super crack, that'll come with chapter 2 (I'm still fairly certain I will have to be drunk in order to write all of that, but we'll see)... but it's pretty weird. The vast majority of this fic consists of inside jokes from Mangafox's Official Romance Thread, and many of these ideas were collaborated with Luna Azul on there... so those that are familiar with our conversations, you can understand what is to come. Those that aren't familiar with us, well, you're missing out. This is in some ways also going to correspond with a crack fic Darkness Drake (aka Sly the snake) is working on at the moment... so look forward to that one.**

**I know many of you not familiar with MF or Drake's fics will wonder what I mean when I say ravioli... well... when you read it in context, you should hopefully understand... it's an innuendo, plain and simple.**

**I plan to have chapter 2 and 3 out tomorrow... chapter 3 will be short, but it'll make you all go "WTF?"**

**Anyway, enjoy!**

**Fairy Tail belongs to Hiro Mashima, not me.**

* * *

"Oh my goodness! You look so beautiful, Bisca!" the little blue-haired, bookworm, Levy squealed as she looked through the sniper's wedding album.

"Thank you," Bisca commented, turning to smile at her husband as he wrapped an arm around her; their daughter, Asuka, perched comfortably on his lap. "You guys really missed one hell of a party, next wedding we'll have to make up for that!"

"Haha!" Levy laughed out, still flipping through the photos, while beside her a very grumpy Gajeel watched the small woman's excitement over the wedding story. He couldn't help but feel annoyed considering after everything they'd been through, she hadn't once mentioned what happened between them on Tenrou Island, and looking at wedding photos was rubbing salt into that metaphorical wound.

_Flashback to the events on Tenrou Island about 8 years prior_

'_Shit, shit, shit!' The iron dragon slayer chanted in his head as he ran through the island's forest looking for a runaway shrimp. 'How could I be so stupid? She wanted my attention, and all I could think about was fighting, but that wasn't what she wanted! Damn it! When I find that Shrimp… when I find her…'_

_Gajeel came to a crashing halt (right into a tree) as he came to the ultimate realization of his lifetime: he was in love with his blue haired, bookworm partner, Levy. Picking himself up, and punching the tree that dared interfere with his search, he knew what he had to do when he found her. Gajeel Redfox was going to propose the moment he laid eyes on her again!_

_With that resolve, the dragon slayer took off after Levy's fading scent, her sudden screams urging him to move faster. When he broke into the clearing with the script mage, he moved on instinct to block the goat man's sword coming down on the girl while punching away a weird chicken man. Not bothering to look at her, he immediately hatched his plan to ask the young woman to marry him in the coolest way possible._

"_It's hard looking for someone so small," he began, not noticing her saddened features before continuing, "so don't leave my side."_

_Unbeknownst to the iron mage, fan-girls (and boys) around the world could be heard screaming in joy. No, at that moment Gajeel was too busy worrying about her answer._

'_Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes,' he found himself mentally chanting._

_When he heard her small hum of approval accompanied by a nod and sweet smile, he released the breath he didn't even know he had been holding. Once again, fan-girls and boys around the world were screaming, some hyperventilating, others doing strange little happy dances that ended with them in straight jackets and shipped to the nearest sanitarium. But the couple had more pressing matters to attend to before they could join the celebration, and thus, what should have been a happy make out session leading into some hot ravioli, turned into a battle with a dark guild looking for some crazy, Natsu-obsessed, 400 year old wizard with a personality disorder that was hiding on the island._

_End flashback_

'Seriously, we've been back for nearly a year and no wedding plans, no talk of even setting a date, nothing!' Gajeel grumbled in his head, aura darkening more and more with each photo of the happy family across from them. 'I mean we've been dating since, even went to Sting's fucking wedding together… still wondering how the hell that happened… and yet she hasn't said a fucking word.'

As the dragon slayer glanced down at his radiant angel, he couldn't help but relax slightly as she pointed at a picture of her teammates celebrating at the reception. He loved her too much to doubt her answer all those years ago; he'd give her the benefit of the doubt.

'Maybe she forgot? I mean, a lot of shit happened after,' he mused, staring intensely at the girl, who either didn't notice, or didn't care, that his glare and dark aura were causing other guild members to worry about her safety. 'That's gotta be it! Maybe I should just propose again… yeah… that's it, I'll just propose again!'

"Oi!" Gajeel grunted, pulling his girlfriend's attention from the album.

"What?" Levy asked, confusion written all over her face as she realized how tense her boyfriend was.

'Alright, you can do this,' he thought to himself, taking deep breaths to try and calm his racing heart. 'It ain't that hard, just ask her, she'll say yes, and then you can whisk her away and celebrate the best way you know how. For fuck's sake this isn't something to get all nervous over!'

"Just so you know," Gajeel began calmly before his nerves got the best of him, "WE ARE NOT GETTING MARRIED!"

Levy just sat, blinking owlishly at the man as she tried to take in what he just shouted in her face. The entire guild had halted, waiting in silence to see what would happen next.

"Wait," the bluenette began curiously, before her jaw dropped once she translated what Gajeel had been saying, "You want to get married?"

"Well, if you insist." Gajeel mumbled, turning away to try and hide his light blush and smirk.

Everyone in the guild could only watch with sheer disbelief, many falling over in shock, at what their famous iron dragon slayer felt passed as a proposal, only a small black cat standing next to the man on the table wore a proud and smug smile, nodding in approval of his partner's tact. Luckily the shock didn't last as the guild realized it was a new reason to party and everyone broke out into shouts and cheers, drinks were passed freely, fights broke out everywhere, and at some point Gajeel and Levy slipped away to enjoy their own celebration in the kitchen's pantry. Ravioli never tasted so good for the happy couple.

* * *

Weeks had passed and the happy couple couldn't find the time to plan their wedding. Between their guild mates constantly interjecting their own ideas, and the random celebration parties they would start every night, they had their hands full. To top it off, Raven Tail had decided to launch a protest outside the guild, picketing about the severe lack of unattractive mages within the Fairy Tail ranks. Ivan Dreyar had gone so far as to get into a verbal battle with his own son over the true reason he was excommunicated from the guild.

"Laxus! As my son I demand you join my guild! Your grandfather is prejudiced to the unattractive! That's the only reason he kicked me out!" The former dark guild's master hollered from the gates at his son who was leaning against a wall by the front door, a look of utter annoyance and exasperation aimed at the older man.

"Listen, dad, you didn't get excommunicated for being an ugly freak." Laxus explained. "Ya got kicked out cuz you're a creepy, sadistic bastard who just happens to be an ugly freak."

"Damn it! You wouldn't understand! You had to get your looks from your mother!" Ivan hollered, causing Laxus to wonder who exactly his mother was, and, if she was so attractive, how the hell his father had landed her. "Between you and that traitor Gajeel, I can never trust a good looking man again!"

"Seriously, such a pain," Gajeel muttered from his seat inside the guild, he and Levy looking out the window as father and son continued to argue Fairy Tail's mage acceptance policy. "Can't have a wedding with those idiots around."

The bluenette merely hummed in agreement; frowning as yet another problem arose to interfere with their impending nuptials. As she watched Ivan start stomping around like a toddler who didn't get the toy he wanted, while Laxus began banging his head against the brick wall of the guild, Levy had a sudden idea pop into her head that could solve all of their wedding stress.

"Maybe we don't have to do the traditional wedding," she leaned in to whisper to Gajeel, rushing to continue as he began pouting and tearing up, obviously thinking that she was calling the wedding off. "I mean, maybe we can go somewhere. You know; elope?"

Gajeel went wide eyed at her idea before a wide grin spread across his face.

"Gi hee, we leave tonight!"

* * *

"Has anyone seen Gajeel?" A worried Lily asked as soon as he entered the guild the next day.

"Hmmm, no, we haven't." Mira answered while looking around to see if Levy knew where he was, when she couldn't spot the script mage she couldn't help but frown in disappointment. "No Levy, either. Maybe they're out on a date?"

"No, I flew all over town looking for them, and he was gone early this morning. I even check at Levy's and she'd obviously been gone all night."

"I'm sure their fine, Lily. They probably just wanted to get away for a bit, we have been trying to plan that wedding for them, so maybe they just want to work on it alone."

"I don't know," Lily mused, "I just have this strange feeling about it."

"Oi!" Laxus called out as he walked into the guild that morning. "Looks like my pops finally gave up on his stupid protest."

"Really?" Mira asked as she moved to get the lightning mage something to eat. "That didn't take long."

As soon as Lily heard that news that Raven Tail had left, he immediately began to worry that they could be behind the sudden disappearance of his partner and Levy. Without another word, the flying cat took off from the guild with the intent to rescue his friends.

* * *

"Now this is what we needed!" Levy sighed out as she collapsed on their hotel bed, Gajeel following suit next to her.

"Definitely, can't wait to see everyone flip out when we get back, though."

The couple had arrived in Fairy Vegas after a 6 hour trip by train, something that greatly annoyed Gajeel; he'd never get the hang of his motion sickness. As soon as they reached their hotel, they found every wedding chapel brochure in the hotel lobby so they could decide which place would be cheapest and easiest for their nuptials. After an hour of debate over Gajeel's wish to be married by Elvis, they had settled on a simple chapel that was known for quick, easy, and cheap weddings, though the lack of Elvis had Gajeel pouting for a few minutes after, at least until Levy offered him some ravioli, that cheered him right up.

"So, tomorrow we'll finally get married!" Levy exclaimed, rolling over to curl up against the dragon slayer. "Are you excited?"

"Gi hee, I've been looking forward to this since Tenrou, Shrimp. What do you think?" He answered, wrapping his arms around his soon to be wife before moving to more important things; getting an extra helping of that ravioli, gi hee.

* * *

As Lily crept into Raven Tail's guild headquarters, he couldn't suppress the shiver of dread that raced up his spine. The black Exceed could tell that he would see terrifying sights in this former dark guild, but he didn't know exactly how utterly disturbing they'd be until he came to the first door in a dark, dank hallway. Upon first glance into the room, Lily had no idea how Gajeel managed to survive his time as a spy within the guild; if the rest of the rooms were anything like this one, he didn't think he'd be able to withstand five minutes within those halls.

Within the first room, there was a large troupe of dancing clowns circling around a smiling and laughing Nullpuding. In the corner sat Obra with his strange creature, partner, thing, on his shoulder, watching the show with a flat, stoic expression painted on his face. As the clown began to paint the short Raven Tail mage's face, Lily just blinked owlishly and backed out of the room, closing the door quietly so as not to draw attention to himself.

'That… was weird…' he thought to himself as he tiptoed down the hall to the next room, opening the door to peer inside. 'Oh, it gets weirder.'

The second room contained the strange masked knight that seemed to lead the group at the magical tournament. The large, metal clad man was sitting in a brightly decorated room, frills, ribbons, stuffed animals, and all things girly and cute surrounding him, while he sat comfortably playing with a collection of Barbie dolls. Beneath the princess style bed Lily spied a flash of red hair as the lone female mage, Flare, watched her guild mate play with obvious disdain on her face.

"Stupid Blondie," Flare mumbled to herself, "Why don't you play with me? Why is it always the blonde? I have the pretty hair… blondie… blondie… blondie… I hate you…"

Once again Lily quietly removed himself from the room, closing the door on the knight who had moved to have the dolls interacting in their Barbie dream house, talking in high pitched voices for their characters. As soon as the door clicked shut, the Exceed heard a scream pierce the air from the other side, as Flare must have leapt out to attack the man's dolls.

"BLONDIE! I HATE YOU!"

"NO! That one's my favorite!"

'Okay, how the hell did Gajeel fit in this place? Compared to these freaks he's a completely normal, well adjusted person.' Lily once again thought to himself, steeling himself at the third door, truly terrified of what he was going to find. With a deep breath to strengthen his resolve, he opened the door. 'Holy Sting… what the hell is wrong with these people?'

* * *

Back in Fairy Vegas~

"Do you think it was a good idea not to leave a note or something for Lily?" Levy asked Gajeel as she snuggled up to him on the hotel room's large heart shaped bed, complete with obnoxiously bright pink sheets.

"Nah, he would've told everyone and then they'd all come crash our wedding. Its better this way, I'm sure he'll be fine and understand." Gajeel reassured her, leaning over to insert some tokens into a strange box next to the bed. "Now then, I'm curious to see what these 'magic fingers' do…"

"Eeeek! No!" The script mage squealed as the bed began rattling underneath them.

"Gi hee!"

* * *

Back to Raven Tail~

'Holy Sting… What the hell is wrong with these people?'

Lily had somehow stumbled upon a strange torture chamber, inside was the snake-like mage, Kurohebi, with a sockless Toby gagged and chained to a wall. The Raven Tail mage appeared to have Toby's last remaining sock in his grasp, and was taking it apart thread by thread in the face of the sobbing dog-like mage. Every so often Kurohebi would go so far as to light the individual threads on fire, preventing Toby from contemplating any chance at repairing the damaged clothing.

"I told you I don't like these socks," Kurohebi hissed at the other man. "You are mine! Didn't I make that clear when I tore apart Left Sock? Now I find you with your precious Right Sock? I will not stand for this any longer!"

Lily quickly left the room as Toby's muffled screams filled the room, his last remaining sock turned to dust before his very eyes by his possessive lover.

'Okay, one more room and that's it! I can't take anymore of this insanity!' The small panther decided, walking rigidly to the last room of the hall.

This last room appeared to belong to Master Ivan as the door was quite ornate and covered in carvings of ravens. The aura of darkness and evil coming from the room was also far greater then the previous rooms, thus there was no one else who could be found behind that door.

Lily decided he was just going to barge into the room in his battle form, consequences be damned, and demand the location of Gajeel and Levy from the sadistic mage. There was no other way at that point to find his friends, so he had to take on the role of aggressor. With the decision made, the cat quickly transformed into his soldier persona and kicked the door down.

"ALRIGHT! WHERE THE HELL ARE GAJEEL AND LE-…. vy…?" Lily began to holler out, but stopped as the words stuck in his throat with the last visual image representing the freakish nature of the guild sat before him.

"What?" Ivan calmly began, sitting peacefully in a large chair in the middle of the room. "You never seen a grown man in a pink tutu sitting in the lap of another grown man?"

"Gah.. gah.. what the hell?" Lily stuttered, taking in the disturbing image of Master Ivan with a very large and hairy man sitting on his lap, dressed exactly as Ivan described; in a pink tutu.

"Damn it, I'm trying to have some couple time with my beloved Lulu, so scram you overgrown housecat!"

"Ummm… okay? But first, can you tell me where Gajeel might be?" The Exceed asked, his mind so far gone that he felt numb to everything before him.

"Oh, I tried to kidnap him and that little girl, but they said they were too busy and to try again after they got back from Fairy Vegas." Ivan explained distractedly, too busy tickling Lulu's cheek and cooing in his ear to really care about the answer.

"Wait… Fairy Vegas? What are they doing there?" Lily asked, more to himself than the men before him.

"Oh, they said something about eloping, I don't know, but can you get out of here already, I'm a busy man."

"Oh, right, sorry." The Exceed quickly bowed in apology before turning to leave, replacing the broken door as he walked out.

"One more thing, cat! Can you keep what you saw here quiet? I know the others are pretty weird, don't need people knowing what their hobbies are." Ivan called out to the quickly retreating Lily.

"Yeah, yeah, no problem!" Lily yelled back, thinking to himself that he had every intention of drinking away the images from his memory anyway. "I'm gonna kill those two when I find them!"

* * *

The next day Gajeel and Levy found themselves outside their chosen chapel, ready to finally tie the knot and get it all over with. Unfortunately, as they stood staring dumbfounded at the unexpected mass of people waiting for them, they realized they weren't going to get away with eloping as easily as they had planned.

"What the hell were you two thinking?" Mira hollered out as she glared at the couple, ready to take on her Satan Soul form and punish them for ruining all her hard work. "When Lily told me what you were up to I didn't want to believe! Yet here you are!"

"Ummm…" Levy tried to come up with an explanation, but the take over mage was far too terrifying at the moment.

"Yes, we had so much planned already; a beautiful, delicious cake was ordered, the bridesmaids had their dresses, the groomsmen their suits, we were so close to being ready and then you two run off to elope!" Erza lectured. "You'd better be prepared for the punishment you will receive as soon as we return to the guild."

"I tried to stop them, Levy-chan," Lucy whispered to the girl, trying to give her some reassurance, "but they wouldn't hear of it."

"Tha-, that's okay, Lu-chan," Levy stuttered out while trying to mentally count who all was there, giving up when she realized literally the entire guild was standing outside the small chapel. "But how did Lily find out? And how did you know which chapel to go to?"

"Ivan told me," Lily explained, flying up to be level with his partner's face, glaring daggers at the man, "as for the chapel, I knew you wouldn't allow an Elvis wedding, Levy."

"Tsh, it woulda been so cool though!" Gajeel shouted. "And see Shrimp! They wouldn't have expected it!"

"Ugh, whatever, let's just go back to the guild and get this done with… why is the entire guild here anyway?" The bluenette groaned, turning around as she gave into Mira and Erza's threatening glares.

"We were bored!" Natsu hollered out before throwing himself at the would-be groom, initiating a fight for no real reason other than he could. "At the least if we didn't make it in time we'd throw one hell of a party here and take over Vegas!"

"Party! Party!" Asuka cried out from her mother's arms, bouncing around with excitement as all of Fairy Tail's mages walked through the city, or attempted to seeing as Natsu had created a rather large battle that was quickly destroying parts of the town with Gray, Gajeel, Elfman, Bixlow, Freed, and some random no name's that served as punching bags helping out.

"Right, the party," Levy groaned again, "almost forgot about the party… we should probably evacuate Magnolia."

* * *

**Alright... not as crackalicious as Sly's Bin LadenxLevy fic... but hopefully it passes the bar, at least.**


	2. The Wedding

**Holy Sting! This took me so freakin' long to write! I don't even know where to start except to tell you that this is the wedding and reception... so... um, I guess a few explanations might be in order for the non-mangafox readers (as well as the mangafox readers in one instance).**

**-You will probably wonder what the hell a farthingale is; google it for a better description, but basically it's the wired form that goes under old victorian style dresses to give the base it's domed form- think Cinderella step sister dresses. I had to look it up to get the proper term, I didn't really want to call it the wired, cage thingee.**

**-Some of you may wonder who Chicken Tooth is- she is the _Chick_ from Saber_tooth_... since we didn't know her name for the longest time (and I'm still pleading ignorance there despite the two names given for the next chapter making it quite obvious what her name must be) so Luna decided we'd start referring to her as Chicken Tooth.**

**-For reference on the Max x Broom pair, please see Darkness Drake's fic: "For they cannot know"... but just so you know... it's canon, so deal with it.**

**-Also, there are three MF members referred to in here, see Drake's Sting x Luna wedding fic for some explanation there... but basically Luna is Luna Azul and Sting's wife, Sly is Drake and he's Sting's pet snake, and Rena is me and I'm Rogue's plaything (the third chapter is a bonus referring to events that happen between us during the reception). Sting and Rogue might be OOC in this, but that's because they're based off of their Mangafox forum counterparts... and even then, I think I made Rogue come off more Ulquiorra-like... oops.**

**-So a summary of the pairs, this being a big part of what made this take so long:**

**GaLe (of course), NaLu, Jerza, Elfgreen, Gruvia/Lyvia are all pretty straightforward and self explanatory.**

**Max x Broom (Brax for short)-again, see fic above**

**Laxus x Mira (sorry, I ship them now, so deal with it)**

**One-sided Freed x Laxus and one-sided Lisanna x Freed... *insert evil laugh here***

**Warren x Wendy leading into Romeo x Wendy**

**Cana x Bacchus**

**One-sided Bixlow x Cana**

**Bixlow x a nice little surprise that I don't want to give away now... *insert another evil laugh here***

**And of course Stinna and RoRoRen (you'll understand this with chapter 3).**

**I feel like I'm forgetting a couple *shrugs*... and sorry, Luna, I left out the kitty love triangles, my brain was about to explode before I could put them in.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail or any of the characters.  
**

* * *

"Do I really have to wear this?" Natsu hollered out in the middle of the suit store, next to him Gray stood, picking at the suit he had somehow been wrestled into. "Why the hell does Lily get the cool suit while we're… we're… what the fuck is this shit?"

"Gi hee, but it matches you hair so well, Salamander."

"My hair is salmon! SALMON! Damn it metal brain! This suit is hot fuckin' PINK! And what's with the fuckin' frills?"

After Gajeel and Levy's failed elopement, they returned to Fairy Tail and were once again thrust into the chaos of planning an elaborate wedding. Despite the fact that so much had been done before, the couple decided that if they were doing this, then they'd do it right, making it as flashy and crazy as they could. They of course started with their wedding party; well, at least 4 out the 6.

"Levy wants you guys to match with the 'bridesmaid' you escort down the aisle, so if ya got a problem, take it up with her. Gi hee." Gajeel explained while the seamstress measured him for last minute alterations on his white suit, Lily standing next to him getting the same treatment for his black and red mini suit.

Natsu and Gray turned their attention to the other half of the building where the bridal store was joined with the men's suit store. The two groomsmen, one clad in a hot pink suit with frilly collar, the other with a matching suit in violet, spied the excited bride trying desperately not to laugh at two of her 'bridesmaids,' while her maid of honor, Lucy, stood in her flowing red and black gown next to her not even bothering to hold back her enjoyment at the sight.

Somehow Jet and Droy were convinced to play the roles of bridesmaids to Levy, obviously because, as her long time teammates and best friends, they had to be by her side on her wedding day. The men, as always, agreed without hesitation, unaware what exactly their friend, and her would be husband, had in mind for them.

"But Levy! Why do I have to wear this?" Jet whined, trying valiantly to pull off the offending bright pink gown; the domed farthingale fought back, though, and as the bottom of the dress flew up to his face from the tension, he fell to the floor, showing off his Speed Racer boxers to the whole store.

The sight of the man's struggle made Levy give in to her laughter, joining Lucy as the girls hugged each other, wiping away the tears that came with their mirth.

"Damnit! Gajeel, why can't I be best man? I wanna walk with Lucy!" Natsu continued to whine after tearing his gaze from the other group to glare at the smug cat standing with his partner.

"Oi! Just be happy I'm lettin' ya be apart of the damn wedding!" Gajeel grunted at him. "Those two idiots needed groomsmen to walk with according to Levy, and you two were the only fuckin' ones I'd want to see do it."

"Damn it, Natsu, stop you're whining," Gray finally chimed in, "at least your bridesmaid doesn't look like a huge fucking grape."

With the reminder of the image of Droy somehow squeezed into a purple dress, Natsu burst out into laughter, pointing a mocking finger at his best frienemy as he forgot all about his own issues. Gray, of course, took offense and swung at the laughing dragon, starting a fight that quickly had Gajeel jumping in; whether he wanted to fight or, was actually trying to stop it, was certainly up for debate. In the end, the wedding party left the store with their garments in hand, paying quadruple what they should have in order to pay for the completely demolished building.

* * *

When the day of the grand wedding event finally arrived; Fairy Tail was prepared to welcome mages from across Fiore to celebrate the big day. With the guild's wide spread reputation and popularity, it was a must for friends and rivals alike to show up at the ceremony.

"MEEEEEN!" Blue Pegasus' Ichiya yelled out as he and the Trimens arrived, in grand style as always. The three young men immediately went to work on flirting with every woman they could, at least every woman they knew wouldn't get them killed. Ichiya, unfortunately, only had his sights set on the gorgeous Erza, and quickly found himself kicked headfirst into a wall once Jellal and Crime Sorciere arrived.

"Erza," Jellal nodded at his childhood love, glancing behind the red head to his two partners who were giving him a thumbs up behind her back.

"Jellal," Erza nodded back while trying to hide her nervous fidgeting.

Unfortunately after their short greeting, the fugitive mage was at a loss on what to do, so Ultear and Meredy quickly pantomimed for him to offer an arm to Erza and escort her to their seats outside. Swallowing thickly, Jellal did as suggested, holding back his happy dance when the ex-quip mage took his arm with a smile. As they walked outside, the other two Crime Sorceire mages did their own happy dance, silently cheering on the man as they followed the couple out.

Next to arrive was Lamia Scale, with Lyon leading the way towards his favorite water mage, taking advantage of Gray's role as groomsman that kept the rival ice mage away from Juvia. Shelly, though, quickly broke away from her group to get the attention of her Trimen lover, Ren, successfully distracting him from hitting on Kinana, who suddenly found herself swept away by a poison dragon slayer who had snuck his way in.

Sometime during the insanity of the first three guilds arriving, Mermaid Heel slipped in, not much fanfare involved as they failed to make a scene, completely outshone by the outlandish behavior of the other mages attending.

The guild was quickly descending into chaos, and the wedding hadn't even started. Only adding to the madness taking over was Bacchus as he literally came crashing in.

"WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLD!" He yelled out after crashing through the doors, swaggering his way over to Cana at the bar, who had been getting an early start on the festivities with Bixlow. "My favorite drinker! Let's have a drinking contest later, babe!"

"Heh," Cana chuckled, "You're on; I'll take ya down this time!"

"I look forward to it; if ya do, I'll let ya take whatever ya want as a prize." He said, a sly smile on his face as he winked at her, completely ignoring the glare being sent his way from behind Bixlow's mask.

Before anything more could occur, the guild came to a screeching halt as the doors were kicked open and the last group of mages came walking in.

"Alright! Let's start the wedding! The most important person is here now!" Sabertooth's Sting hollered out, an arm around his beautiful wife, Luna, and pet snake, Sly, wrapped around the couple's necks.

"GaLe wedding! GaLe wedding!" Luna and her close friend Rena kept chanting, pumping their hands into the air as they broke away from their respective dates to tackle the groom. "We're so happy for you!"

"What the hell? Sting! Rogue! Get yer damn women off of me!" Gajeel hollered out, trying to push the raving fangirls off of him before they ruined his suit.

"She's not my woman, she's merely a stalker." A very grumpy Rogue attempted to explain while removing Rena from the other dragon slayer.

"What was that?" The woman hollered out, jumping to her feet to glare at the Sabertooth mage.

"Here we go again…" Sting, Luna, and Sly mumbled together, sweat dropping as the 'couple' began throwing insults at each other.

"Seriously, he should stop denying it," Luna sighed, "We've seen him asking for her ravioli plenty of times already, and if not that, he's offered his own."

"Tomboy…"

"Asexual, grumpy bastard!"

With the final insults thrown, the pair turned their backs on each other, crossing their arms as they decided to ignore each other for a moment.

"The ceremony's about to start…" Rogue suddenly said with a sigh. "If you insist, you may sit next to me… but just know that it means nothing…"

"Fine." Rena bit out, turning on her heel to follow the man out to the yard where the ceremony was being held.

"That's one fucked up couple," Gajeel grunted to no one as he watched all the guests start making their way to their seats.

* * *

As the ceremony got underway, Gajeel found himself fighting down the urge to fidget nervously in front of all the guests, hoping that the delays he witnessed at Sting's wedding didn't happen for his own; he doubted he'd survive it. As he stood watching the wedding processional, he sent a glance at his super awesome cat, Lily, standing next to him; the cat's smug smile and subtle thumbs up helping ease his nerves as he turned his attention back to the entering wedding party. He then immediately erupted into a fit of laughter, along with the rest of the audience.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Natsu and Jet screamed at everyone, only gaining more laughter as they slumped up the aisle in their matching hot pink suit and dress.

It only got worse as the next pair entered, Gray trying to look as cool and collected as always next to the man that looked more like a grape in his dress.

"Fucking Gajeel, I swear I'll get back at him for this." He groaned, sparing a glance at the weeping Droy who was shoving fried chicken into his mouth, obviously still trying to console himself over Levy's relationship with the iron dragon slayer. As the pair made their way down the aisle, he couldn't help but roll his eyes as he heard Juvia sighing.

"Juvia thinks Gray-sama looks good in a purple suit…"

"Juvia, dearest, I would gladly wear any color suit you wish!" Lyon exclaimed, latching onto the water mage, much to Gray's further annoyance. "I'd do anything for you, my love!"

"Eh? Ly- Lyon-sama?" Juvia stuttered in surprise, blushing at the other ice mage's advances.

"Damn it, will you stop hitting on her, Lyon, you bastard!" Gray yelled at his childhood rival, leaping into the audience to get into the other man's face.

"Oi! Shut up and get back in line, Stripper!" Gajeel growled out, stopping anything more from happening, at least until the reception.

With the chaos brought back down, the procession continued with Lucy making her way in as maid of honor; nearly every man there was drooling at her low cute red dress with black, jeweled embellishment along the bust. The only ones not taken by the sight were Gajeel; for obvious reasons, Jellal; his reasons were also rather obvious- he only loved Erza and he was terrified she'd hurt him, Lyon; as he was too busy drooling over Juvia, Sting; who was afraid his wife would leave him if he so much as glanced at another woman, and Rogue; who was a grumpy, asexual bastard, and therefore didn't care.

As people desperately tried to mop up the puddles they created, Romeo made his way in as ring bearer, followed by an adorable little Asuka tossing flower petals that Gajeel had made with his iron, just because he could. Unfortunately for some in the crowd, the small girl had a strong arm, and good aim like her mother; many mages were taken out when some of the metal flowers hit them.

"Oh my Sting! Ultear!" Meredy suddenly cried out as her long time mother figure had a petal imbed itself in her forehead, the older woman collapsing in her teammate's arms as the wound began to bleed, twitching dramatically as she lost consciousness.

Wendy immediately began running around healing everyone she could, Ultear's wound being deep enough that she ended up spending the rest of the night in the infirmary.

Once everyone was settled back down, and the more critically wounded taken with Ultear to the infirmary, the music started back up again to signal for Levy's entrance. As soon as the little blue-haired woman came into the yard, escorted by a sniffling Master Makarov, Gajeel immediately began to break down into tears.

"That's gonna be my wife!" He sobbed out dramatically, Lily taking on his alternate form to hold the man back from rushing to the woman and embracing her.

Everyone there sweat dropped at his outburst.

"That's gonna be my husband!" Levy suddenly hollered back with tears in her own eyes, Makarov suddenly finding himself dragged by the woman as she raced up the aisle to Gajeel.

Everyone there fell over in shock.

Before the couple could tackle each other, Makarov managed to get control of the bride; holding her back a few feet from the alter, and clearing his throat to get their attention focused again. The bride and groom managed to regain their wits, though Gajeel was still teary eyed as he took in the sight of Levy in her simple, white wedding dress.

"Seriously, with all the ravioli time they have, how is it she's allowed to wear white?" Natsu mumbled at Gray before Gajeel punched him with a metalized fist, stopping any more discussion on his bride's chastity.

"Alright, if you're all done being stupid, can we get this wedding over with?" Porlysca lectured from her position at the alter, surprising everyone by showing up to lead the proceedings, despite her utter hatred of humans. "Who gives the bride away?"

"I do." Makarov answered, smacking Levy on the ass as he pushed the blushing bride into the arms of her soon to be husband.

"OI!" Gajeel hollered out, but the master just made his way to his seat, cackling to himself as he also made sure to smack Lucy's ass on his way there.

After the shock and chaos wore off, the ceremony continued in a surprisingly smooth fashion, at least until a surprise guest came crashing into the ceremony, running up the aisle in a wedding dress and tackling the groom shortly after the vows had been exchanged.

"Gajeel, marry me!" Kain Hikaru yelled out, the former Grimoire mage having come to the realization since the events on Tenrou Island that he had no chance with women, and at sometime developed a disturbing crush on the iron dragon slayer.

"The fuck? Get the hell off of me ya freak!" Gajeel hollered, trying to move his body to get the large, dress clad man off of him, but found himself frozen in place.

"Mr. Cursey number 4! I already got your hair!" Kain explained, holding up the new doll to the terrified man. He was far too busy trying to kiss the profusely sweating groom, though, to notice the darkening aura behind him.

"Get the hell off of my man!" Levy screamed out before tackling Kain, beating him swiftly and sending him flying from the ceremony.

"Thanks, Shr-" Gajeel started to say before being cut off as the small script mage suddenly tackled him, kissing him fiercely as she laid claim to the dragon slayer who didn't waste anytime returning the gesture.

"Well, fine… Under the power of Sting… man and wife… keep on kissing the bride… or groom…" Porlysca rushed through the rest of the ceremony, tossing her arms in the air as she walked away from the rapidly escalating scene. "This is why I hate humans."

"Haha! Look at that!" Sting laughed out as he watched the couple at the front. "Gajeel's taking a page from our wedding, Luna!"

* * *

"PARTY!" Natsu hollered out as he ran back into the guild hall after changing out of the offensive bright pink suit, burning it to a crisp so the newlyweds couldn't force him back into it.

All the guests cheered in unison, raising their mugs (or kegs in the case of Cana and Bacchus) as the celebration got underway.

"Ahh, it's nice to finally be out of that horrid suit." Gray said from his seat at one of the tables, taking a swig of his drink while leaning back on the bench.

"G-, Gray-sama… you're clothes…" Juvia stuttered out as she sat next to the completely nude man, a bright blush staining her face as her gaze was drawn to a certain piece of anatomy everyone in the guild had more experience seeing than they wished.

"Huh?"

"Gray! What do you think you're doing exposing yourself in such a way to a lady!" Lyon yelled; getting in the other man's face as they once again began their posturing in front of Juvia.

"Ly-, Lyon-sama… but… you…" Juvia was once again stuttering as the other ice make mage had stripped free of his own clothing at some point.

"Huh?" Lyon asked, not completely caring what she was referring to as he began to wrestle with Gray.

"Idiot, you're naked, too!" Gray hollered out as he moved to punch his old friend. "Don't go lecturing me when you're worse."

"I'm worse? I may be a much faster stripper than you, but I can control myself better!" The older mage argued back while getting Gray in a headlock.

"Gr-, Gray-sama and… and… Ly-, Lyon-sama..." the water mage stuttered before fainting, blood flowing rapidly from her nose as her blush literally exploded on her face.

"Juvia!" Gray and Lyon yelled out at the same time, both men rushing to the unconscious woman.

"Look what you did to her, you bastard!" Gray yelled.

"What I did? This is your entire fault!" Lyon yelled back.

"Na-, naked… wrestling… so… so… hot…" the blue haired woman mumbled in her unconscious state.

Sitting at the table that Gray and Juvia had been occupying, Meredy could only watch in amusement as her friend was overcome with the sight of two very hot, and very naked, men fighting over her; well, at least one was consciously fighting over her, the other just seemed to like arguing with the rival. The pink haired lost magic mage felt a streak of mischievousness run through her, and with Ultear still in the infirmary, and Jellal following Erza like a lost puppy; no one was there to stop her from having some fun.

Whistling innocently to herself, Meredy subtly placed sensory links on the three mages, forcing the nude ice make mages to suddenly erupt with the very same blush Juvia had, causing them to begin hemorrhaging blood from their own noses as they shared her senses. The two men quickly fainted onto the still unconscious woman, Gray managing to luck out with his head falling on her chest, while Lyon's fell onto her stomach. With her mission accomplished, Meredy laughed quietly to herself and stealthily moved away from the scene, intent on finding other unsuspecting people to play with.

* * *

"Would you care to dance?" Warren asked the young sky dragon slayer, Wendy.

"Ummm, I'd love to." The girl answered politely, not finding anything wrong with dancing with the older mage seeing as she had danced with him before.

"You're certainly growing into a beautiful woman, Wendy." Warren complemented, drawing the attention of literally every other dragon slayer in the room as they heard his quiet remark.

"Ummm, thank you." She once again answered politely.

As Warren drew the young mage in closer, he didn't notice the deadly glares of the older male dragon slayers who had taken a liking to the girl; even Cobra was glaring from his place in the shadows with Kinana.

"Cobra, why are you glaring at Warren?" Kinana asked her secret lover.

"Because that sick pervert is hitting on Wendy," he growled in response.

Kinana couldn't help but tilt her head in confusion as she looked between her boyfriend and the Sky Maiden, shrugging as she chose not to question the unexpected protectiveness of a girl he didn't actually know. Instead the human turned snake turn human again went back to observing the dance floor and the chaos that was about to erupt if Warren didn't realize the danger he was in with 6 overprotective male dragon slayers watching him.

The man was saved, more or less, at the last possible moment, as Romeo made his way to the pair. With a gentle hand (more like swift kick in Warren's rear) the young mage took Wendy from the older man.

"Excuse me, Wendy," Romeo bowed politely as they heard the distant splash of Warren landing in the fountain outside. "May I have this dance?"

"Ummmm, of course, Romeo-kun."

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief as the dragon slayers backed down slightly at the more appropriate partner for the young girl, though they still kept a close eye on the dancing pair in case Macao's son felt an urge to make a move of his own on the girl.

* * *

"Alright ya horn dog, we bettin' on this match or wha'?" Cana slurred out to Bacchus as they prepared for their drinking contest, her usual drinking buddies of Macao, Wakaba, Bixlow, Elfman, and Evergreen sitting around her to cheer her on.

"Hmmm…" Bacchus pretended to think while eyeing the young woman. "I think ya already know wha' I want as my prize, so if yer cool with that, then you can have whatever ya want from me if you beat me."

"Oooohhh, such a pervert," the card mage laughed, while once again Bixlow found himself growling in annoyance, though this time he had company from her other drinking companions. "But alright, I'll play by yer rules."

Cana's easy acceptance of the Quatro Cerberus mage's bet had the seith magician slumping over the table in disappointment. He'd been hanging around Cana more and more over the past year and had taken a liking to her, he had been hoping to at least get one night with her, but it seemed he was no match for a fellow alcoholic like Bacchus, who also happened to carry a strength seen in her father. As he sat watching the two mages drink more liquor than a single person can drink in a year, he let himself go with his own drinks until a he found a radiant, silver haired angel sitting across from him.

"Who're you?" He slurred to the woman across from him, taking in her sharply cut, short silver hair that was so similar to the beautiful Strauss sisters of his guild.

"They call me Chicken Tooth." She answered demurely, glancing shyly at the drunk man. "And you?"

"Bixlow," he grunted back, before he realized what her name was and started laughing hysterically. "Chicken Tooth? For real? Who the fuck names their kid Chicken Tooth?"

"Humph," she pouted, crossing her arms over her chest before moving to leave.

"Wait, wait, wait," Bixlow called to her, leaning over to grab her wrist and pull her back down. "Sorry, jus' wasn't 'specting that. I mean, yer freakin' gorgeous, figured ya'd have a pretty name, too. 'S'kay if I call ya Chick, then?"

"Uh-hmm," she nodded, blushing as she felt, rather than saw, his intense gaze on her.

"Le's go somewhere quieter to talk, Chick." Bixlow offered, standing and taking her by the hand as he lead her towards the back of the guild, unaware of a certain pink haired Crime Sorceire mage watching him walk away.

'Hmmm, that'd be fun to mess with…' Meredy thought to herself, watching as the newly forming couple took a seat near a frowning Porlysca, giving the young woman a grand idea for another triple sensory link. 'Oh yes, that'll be interesting.'

* * *

Meanwhile, back at Cana's table, Guildarts had finally made an appearance, crashing through a wall as he came back from a mission not aware of the wedding that was happening.

"What's going on here?" He asked his daughter, looking between her and the grinning Bacchus.

"Ahhh! Pops!" Cana cheered, giving her confused dad a hug. "Yer jus' in time fer tha' cel'bration. Levy and… *hic*… Gajeel go' married! S' hav' a drink wit' me and Bacchus 'ere."

"Levy and Gajeel? Really?" Guildarts asked, not aware that they had been dating since he had taken off on his mission as soon as they had gotten back from Tenrou Island a year before. "Okay, always good to have an extra reason to drink."

* * *

"Alright everyone! It's time for the bouquet toss!" Lucy called out over the crowd; only a small group of women coming forward to fight for the flowers and the chance at being the next to marry.

A few girls from Mermaid Heel had come forth, along with Mira and Lisanna for Fairy Tail. Most of the other women were either too busy with their lovers or drinks to care about the tradition, but many of the single men were more than happy to watch the few women prepare to battle over the bundle of flowers Levy held on stage, most hoping it would lead into a good wrestling match with lots of hair pulling and maybe even some clothes tearing.

"Well, if that's it…" Levy mumbled at the small group before turning her back on them, unaware of the heart-wrenching drama that would soon unfold.

As soon as the flowers were airborne, the women went wild; elbows were thrown, Mira punched a few girls nearby, Lisanna took on her cat form and clawed some other competitors. In the end, it was down to the Strauss sisters… and a Broom. No one knew where the broom came from, or how it was even standing upright. But the men circled around the group watched as the flowers fell to the floor in slow motion and the remaining women (and Broom) dog-piled onto the bouquet. Laxus couldn't hold back his smirk as he watched the elder sibling pulling at the Broom's bristles, Lisanna trying to get the roses from the object's grip (how the Broom had a hold of the flowers, no one knew, but it did… just… trust me on this one).

"NOOOO! BROOM!" Max Alors suddenly cried out as a sickening snap was heard.

Mira jumped away quickly along with her sister as she saw the small crack making it's way up the Broom's handle. She watched; sorrow and guilt overtaking her features, as her guild mate moved to cradle the cleaning utensil. As her tears began to fall, she felt a firm hand on her shoulder, drawing her attention to her master's grandson.

"It… it was an accident… I… I…" Mira sniffled out, turning to bury her face against the tall man's chest, releasing her sobs as his arms wrapped around her.

"Its okay, Mira," Laxus tried to reassure the woman. "We'll have Laki take a look, I'm sure she can find a way to repair it."

Nearby, a green haired Raijinshuu member watched the scene, his jealousy raging as he took in the sight of his leader embracing the white haired woman. Unknown to Freed, the woman's younger sister, having stepped away from Max and Broom, was watching him with unfulfilled longing in her eyes, wishing that just once he'd look at her the way he looked at Laxus.

Meanwhile, Max was still cradling his beloved Broom on the floor, sobbing and caressing the crack as he rocked back and forth.

"Broom… why… why were you in there?" He softly asked. "You should have known how dangerous that would be for you… I… I… I love you too much to lose you Broom!"

Everyone around the crying man had halted to watch the scene unfold, all completely dumbfounded, save for Mira who was still crying from her guilt, but her unending love of romance had drawn her to peek out of Laxus' embrace at her guild mate's beautiful love confession. Her eyes filled with stars, despite her tears, causing Laxus to begin wondering about her sanity, but realized it didn't matter since her ravioli was literally to die for.

"Will you marry me, Broom?" Max suddenly asked; having noticed the bouquet in the object's… uh… hand…?

Once again, everyone sat in silence, waiting to see what Broom would reply; if she/he/it(?) could reply. Upon seeing Max's face erupt into a huge grin as he embraced Broom tightly, the audience collapsed in disbelief, having not heard a thing, yet apparently she/he/it(?) had said yes.

"Ummm…" Levy began from her position onstage with Lucy, apparently forgotten with all the drama that had unfolded. The bluenette looked at her maid of honor in confusion; Lucy only shrugged, prompting the bride to turn back to the crowd again. "I guess this a call for celebration…?"

After a few moments of silence, everyone else shrugged before erupting into shouts and cheers, returning to the freely flowing alcohol while congratulating the newly engaged… couple.

* * *

At the designated Sabertooth table, which Sting declared the best table in the guild, which automatically made it so, a rather grumpy and antisocial dragon slayer sat with his long time friend and his wife, glaring daggers at the brunette that had accompanied him. That brunette had actually dared to wander off and ignore his presence completely since the wedding, and was currently drinking with Cana's group while apparently enjoying the attention of the rather charismatic, blonde Trimen, Hibiki.

"Seriously ya grumpy bastard, just go over there and drag her away if you have a problem with it." Sting tried to reason with his friend while simultaneously cuddling up to his lovely Lady Luna.

"I do not care what that woman does." Rogue grumbled back. "She knows the only person I care about it myself… and thus… the only person I need is me."

Sting could only roll his eyes at the man, his snake sharing his exasperated expression as best a snake can.

"If you don't care, then stop glaring at her already." Luna chimed in, taking a break from the affections she was bestowing on her beloved Sting.

"Humph… you know not what you speak of… woman." With his last argument, the shadow dragon slayer turned his attention away from everyone there, sinking into his own thoughts as he ignored all the pathetic trash around him.

He was surprised a few minutes later by a gentle tapping on his shoulder that drew him from his internal musings. Turning to face whoever dared interrupt his thoughts, he came face to face with a blushing, sheepish Rena who seemed to be struggling with herself. Next to her stood a very, very drunk Guildarts, the veteran S-class mage barely able to stand on his own two feet as he leaned slightly on the smaller woman for support. Curious as to what the woman could want, he raised a questioning eyebrow at her, prompting her to explain herself.

"Ummm… well… you see, Rogue," Rena slowly began, occasionally making eye contact with him before glancing away while her blush only got stronger. "About… about earlier, I… I… just wanted to apologize."

Her words had Rogue turning his full attention to her as he moved his whole body to face her.

"Go on…"

"Well, I… I know you could never feel the same way about me that I do you, that you are only capable of loving yourself… and that, if it were possible, you'd only willingly pair yourself with… yourself." She continued to explain, gaining an affirmative nod from the dragon slayer.

"And…"

"And, well… I kinda found a way to give you what you want…"

This had Rogue raising a shocked and curious brow again, carefully taking in the woman to see if she had been injured in the head, or if possibly her intoxicated state had made her even more delusional than normal.

"Explain…"

"Well, I'm not sure if you've heard of Guildarts' magic… but apparently he can break things apart… even people… Natsu told me about it earlier."

Leaning forward in his seat, clearly interested in what she had to offer him, he prompted her to continue, willing to see where her find would lead and exactly how entertaining it might be.

* * *

"Gajeel!" A rather drunk Orga hollered out at the groom. "I challenge you to a singing contest!"

The declaration had every single mage in the room stop what they were doing, absolutely terrified as they turned to the iron dragon slayer, who was grinning wildly at the Sabertooth mage.

"Gi hee, you're on!"

Everyone in the building immediately began stuffing towels, clothing, and spoons in their ears; anything they could find in the hopes of blocking out the absolutely horrid, stroke inducing sounds that they were about to be assaulted with by the two mages. Fortunately, no one heard anything they had been singing because of their preparations, all they knew was that at some point the competition ended and the two men were onstage doing a duet. Each man had an arm slung around the other's shoulder, swaying back and forth to music no one heard, while singing into their microphones. Finally, at some point, Levy managed to drag her new husband off the stage, ending the would-be torture and allowing everyone to feel safe enough to removing their various ear protectors.

They forgot that Orga was still onstage…

"STRONGEST, STRONGEST. NUMBER ONE! WE RULE! SABERTOOTH!"

Everyone collapsed with convulsions.

* * *

"KYAHAHAHA!" Natsu began laughing out, flames bursting from his hands and mouth. "Who's next? I'm all fired up!"

All around Natsu laid mages who had tried and failed to take him on, as well as a few who had unfortunately found themselves stuck in the crossfire.

"Come on, Natsu." Lucy pled from her seat nearby. "Just give it break already."

"But, Lucy!" He whined at his blonde partner, before turning to her with an evil grin on his face.

"Oh no… no no no no no no… Don't you dare, Natsu!" Lucy warned, jumping up to quickly back away from the fire mage's flaming hands. It was too late, though; as she tried to escape she found her beautiful, and expensive, dress in flames, leaving her in only a pair of lacey boy shorts. "NATSU!"

"KYAHAHAHA!"

"Shit!" Lucy cried out as she made a mad dash from the sudden throng of men running after her. It never failed; every time her pink haired partner felt the urge to burn off her clothes in the middle of the guild, she always found herself running from a pack of extremely horny men only a scant few seconds later.

"Do not fear, princess, you're knight in shining armor is here to save you!" The voice of her faithful stellar spirit, Loke, called out as he appeared in a cloud of smoke to take out the sex crazed men. With a single punch, Lucy found herself safe from the madness, her orange haired friend quickly moving to drape his suit jacket over her nearly nude form.

"Thanks, Loke."

"I'd do anything for my love, princess." Loke declared, eliciting a blush from the mage, before picking her up princess style and carrying her out of the guild.

"Wait… where are we going?" Lucy asked, looking around nervously as they moved away from everybody.

"Just to get you something different to where; maybe give you a break from the chaos." Loke innocently explained, keeping his eyes forward as he neared the gates.

The celestial spirit, though, was unaware of the presence slithering along behind him until he felt a sudden bite on his calf. With a loud yelp, Loke looked down to see Sting's pet snake, Sly, burying his fangs into the muscle of his leg, glaring his beady snake eyes at him.

"Damn it! What the hell?" Loke cried out, trying to kick the snake off without hurting it; he didn't want to face the white dragon slayer's wrath should his prized pet get injured.

The commotion, though, had done exactly what Sly had wanted; it drew Natsu's attention to the spirit and the blonde woman in his arms.

"Oi! Where the hell are you taking Lucy, damn it!" Natsu yelled as he advanced on the the now terrified Loke.

"Oh shit… Natsu… listen… I can explain…" The lion spirit tried to get out while still fighting off the red and black snake.

"I don't care, hand 'er over!" The dragon slayer growled out before reaching out and taking the very confused woman for himself while punching the honorary Fairy Tail mage back to the spirit realm.

Without a second thought he burned the spirit's jacket off of Lucy, leaving her to shriek in annoyance and try to cover up again. Sly, at that point, had magically made his way to the pair, slithering his way up Natsu's leg to offer him what appeared to be one of his own vests.

"Give this to her to wear," Sly whispered so only the dragon slayer would hear.

Natsu nodded, though he was rather confused about how the snake had gotten some of his old clothing, and also how he had carried it with him in the first place. With a shrug, Natsu dropped his curiousity, knowing not to question the amazing abilities of Sting's snake, chances are, whatever he could do was Sting's fault anyway.

"Here, Lucy, wear this." He said after setting the girl down, handing her the rather small article of clothing.

"I don't know, Natsu," Lucy began after slipping the vest on, trying in vain to keep herself somewhat covered. "It's not really doing much."

Seeing her in his old vest had managed to send Natsu into a rare perverted state as he stared at the voluptuous woman who was still quite exposed to him.

"It's certainly doing something for me…" He mumbled before throwing the now really confused girl over his shoulder and taking off from the guild.

"Wait a minute! Where are you taking me? Natsu!" Lucy cried out as they ran through the city, leaving behind a very happy snake, dancing in joy as only a snake could.

"NaLu ravioli time, NaLu ravioli time… woooo!" Sly sang out before happily slithering back to his master, his mission accomplished. "Take that NaLu fangirls! That's how you get the job done!"

Natsu and Lucy were not seen for the next four days.

* * *

Meanwhile, back in the guild, Freed was still watching, seething, at Mirajane so blatantly flirting with his leader; his Laxus.

'Why Laxus? Why must it be her?' Freed thought to himself, tears streaming from his eyes as he bit his knuckles, trying to restrain himself from breaking up the newly developing couple. He liked Mira, he really did, but Laxus was his love; it was so hard to stand by and let her have him.

"Freed?" A soft voice called to him as a warm hand enclosed one of his own.

The rune mage turned to see the sympathetic eyes of Mira's younger sister, Lisanna, staring back at him.

"Are you going to be alright?" She asked softly, obviously aware of what had him upset.

Trying to get a hold of himself and contain his sobs he nodded to the youngest take-over sibling, his attempt at control failed though when she opened her arms to him, hugging him tightly as he fell against her chest, releasing his despair in her warm embrace.

"I… I… just love him so much!" Freed cried out to the girl, not noticing her wince at his open declaration. "But… you're sister… she's such a wonderful person… I can't stand in her way!"

"Shhh, shhh. It'll be alright, I'll take care of you, Freed." Lisanna soothed, running her hand through his silky locks.

"I just… I just don't know if I can ever get over him…" He continued to cry out while Lisanna let her own tears fall as she listened to her own love cry about his broken heart.

"Freed…" the young woman prompted, her unsure tone gaining his attention as he turned his gaze up to her tear stained and blushing face. "I… I think I know how I can help you…"

"How?" Freed asked, gazing at her intensely as he waited for some ray of hope from the girl.

"Ummm… it's probably easier to show you…" she mumbled before doing a full body transformation into the blonde man the Raijinshuu member was madly in love with.

"Laxus?" He whispered, shocked to find himself wrapped up in his true love's embrace. As understanding overtook him, he couldn't help but feel unsure; glancing between his leader who had wrapped his own arms around the elder Strauss sibling, and the image presented to him by the younger.

"So…?" Lisanna asked with Laxus' voice, searching the other man's eyes for an answer.

With one last glance at the man he couldn't truly have, Freed nodded at the transformed woman before letting himself be lead out of the guild, truly willing to do anything to feel Laxus' embrace for a night.

Near the bar, the real Laxus watched as his younger friend was lead out by the take-over mage. Turning a confused gaze to the beautiful woman in his arms he felt he had to ask her what was going on.

"Why is Lisanna taking Freed away transformed as me?"

"Hmmm…" Mira hummed innocently, feigning ignorance with a sweet smile, "I'm not sure."

As Laxus was taken by the young woman he had known for some many years, he felt himself shrug before moving to drag her down to the storage room of the guild, no longer willing to wait for some time alone and the ravioli that came with.

* * *

"Oi!" Gajeel called out as he and Levy made their way to the Sabertooth table. "Where the hell'd that bastard, Rogue, and his girlfriend run off to? Levy wanted to meet her, and I wanted to kick his scrawny ass."

"Hmmm, he just dragged her off mumbling something about rewarding her good idea with ravioli." Sting informed them as he watched his wife literally pushing Evergreen and Elfman together; since her favorite couple was now married, she had set her sights on getting another couple to finally commit.

"I'd stay away from them for awhile, just so you know. Walked in on them once," Sting warned, pausing as a shudder ran through him. "Seriously crazy shit… And with what Rena just did, I don't want to imagine what they could be doing."

"Sting!" Luna suddenly hollered out as she made her way back to the table, having successfully gotten a drunk Elfman and Evergreen to start making out. "Ravioli! I want it now!"

With her demand made, the young woman grabbed the dragon slayer by the ear, dragging him off without any protest.

"Yes, my dear Lady Luna!" Sting agreed, quickly moving to sweep the girl off her feet, carrying her over his shoulder as he moved to find an empty room they could hide away in.

Levy and Gajeel watched the couple run off before glancing down at the snake left behind.

"I'd stay away from them, too." Sly informed them before slithering off to try and keep Orga from taking the stage again.

* * *

"Don't look down on the chubby!" Mermaid Heel's Risley yelled out, defending Droy from Laki and Jet's teasing.

"Thank you, Risley," Droy sobbed out between bites, still clad in his purple dress as he ate.

"We chubby have to stick together," the gravity transformation mage assured him, patting the large man's back gently.

With the woman's touch, Droy found himself drifting on Cloud 9 as he took in the only person there who seemed to understand him. The Shadow Gear team member found all his pain over Levy's wedding washed away as he fell in love with the mermaid girl. Turning to her with stars in his eyes, he swallowed his food to prepare to declare his new found affection for her, but before he could she was speaking again.

"I mean… we chubby women especially have to watch each others back, we have so much more difficulty with our weight problems."

"Uh… I'm not a woman." Droy tried to explain, gaining a look of disbelief from the girl who was scanning his features to determine if he was lying.

"Huh… but… the dress."

"Levy wanted her teammates as bridesmaids… remember Jet." He reminded her, pointing at his other teammate who had long since destroyed the horrid pink number he had been forced into.

"Well then, why are you still wearing your dress?"

"It's comfortable?" The plant mage shrugged, before remembering his intended confession. "But that's not important… Risley, I… I think I've fallen in love with you… would you like to go out with me sometime?"

"Uh… well…" Risley began unsure, suddenly looking around nervously as if preparing for escape. "I… don't really swing that way, if you know what I mean."

The look of pure shock and distress on Droy's face had the woman quickly rushing to explain her rejection.

"Well, if you _were_ a woman I'd have loved to go out with you… but…"

Before she could continue Droy had run off, sobbing dramatically as he was once again rejected by a woman. Making his night even worse, on his way out he accidentally ran into Levy, tearing her dress just slightly when he stepped on it.

"Ah… I'm so sorry, Levy," he sobbed out, still wanting to leave, but not wanting to upset his happy friend.

"Ah, it's okay Droy, but what's wro-" Levy tried to reassure but was interrupted as her new husband erupted in anger beside her.

"What the hell did you do to my woman's dress?"

Everyone in the guild stopped to stare in silence as the groom seethed, holding the torn hem of the dress in his hand as he glared daggers at Levy's crying teammate.

"It… it was an accident," Droy tried to defend.

"I don't care, dip-shit… ya got until the count of five before I kill ya…" Gajeel growled darkly, dropping the fabric as he moved in on the other mage. "One…"

"Wait, Gajeel, this is silly… it's just a dress…" Levy tried to stop her husband, putting herself in his path as Droy coward in fear of the dragon slayer.

"It's a matter of principle… Two…"

"What principle?" She continued to argue, pushing vainly against the man while Droy slowly began to step away.

"Ya wouldn't understand these things, Shrimp…. Three…"

"Oh really, it's _my_ _dress_… so if anyone should be upset it should be me…"

Droy was sweating nervously while trying to find the fastest way out of the guild and away from the irate dragon.

"It's a man's pride; he tarnished my woman's appearance, he has to pay the price, as a man… Four."

"Oh come on, now you sound like Elfman with that bullshit."

"A MAN!" Elfman hollered out, taking a break from making out with Evergreen to do so, earning a smack on the head from her fan before being pulled back in.

Droy made a break for it in the chaos, running into the evacuated areas of town as fast as a fat man could.

"Five… alright… he's dead." Gajeel growled before breaking away from Levy to take off after the retreating mage.

"Wait… Gajeel! Stop it this instant!" Levy screamed, picking up the end of her dress as she ran after them, hoping that she might be able to stop him before the city got destroyed.

The mages left over in the building merely stood and watched as a few minutes later a explosion was heard and the first building toppled over.

"GAJEEL! STOP IT!"

As more buildings came crashing down, they realized why Levy had urged part of Magnolia to evacuate for the wedding.

* * *

Erza stood there; staring, waiting, wondering when the happy couple would finally cut the magnificent 20 tier strawberry cake she had ordered them. Next to her, Jellal stood, trying to find something to talk about as the woman glared at the cake.

"That's it! If they're not going to cut the cake, then I will!" Erza suddenly proclaimed, ex-quiping a rather large blade that looked more like an oversized cleaver than a sword of any kind.

"Wait, Erza…" Jellal said, reaching to grab her arm before she tore into the dessert. "Don't you think we sho-"

He was cut off as the younger mage turned on him, pressing the blade again his throat while glaring darkly at him.

"You dare try to get between me and that cake… Jellal?" Erza growled, her dark aura causing the former enemy to actually quiver in fear.

"No… no… never," he reassured, his voice suddenly a few octaves higher with his terror. The Crime Sorceire leader cleared his throat before continuing in a different direction than he had originally planned, gently pushing the deadly blade away from his jugular. "I was just going to say, that maybe we should take the cake somewhere safer... first… so it doesn't get damaged."

"Ah," Erza began, sending her weapon away as she took in what her old friend had said. "I see; it would certainly be a waste when one of these idiots inevitably does something stupid and destroys the cake."

Her understanding had Jellal sighing with relief before jumping back in shock as the woman suddenly bowed down to him.

"I'm sorry, Jellal," the red head cried out, "I rushed to judgment and assumed the worst of you; my resulting behavior was quite disgraceful. Please forgive me, you may punish me as you see fit."

The fugitive mage stood there in shock, staring at the gorgeous woman as his mind went blank at her mention of punishment. Blinking a few times to clear the haze and wiping the trickle of blood from his nose, he moved to pat the woman's head, pulling her gaze up to his shy smile and blushing cheeks.

"Maybe… maybe later, Erza." He stuttered, gesturing to the cake to remind her of her original mission.

"Ah, right, the cake first." Erza agreed, quickly taking the large cake in her arms, walking away with the man following close behind. "You always knew how to keep my priorities straight."

"Uh-huh," Jellal agreed distractedly, too busy staring at her swaying hips as he thought on her offer of punishment.

'Later… definitely later, Erza."

* * *

By the next morning the chaos had seemingly ended as everyone had passed out. Somewhere in the middle of Magnolia, Droy had been saved when Levy tackled her new husband and successfully distracted him with ravioli. Unfortunately nearly half the town had been destroyed by that point.

The guild was in shambles, too, as all the mages from around Fiore had spent the rest of the night drinking, partying, and fighting; the things that Fairy Tail did best.

Amidst the wreckage inside the guild, a brown haired veteran woke at his place underneath a destroyed table. Guildarts moved to push the debris away, still slightly drunk from trying to keep up with Cana and her new drinking buddy. As he moved to find the bathroom, he stumbled over bodies and overturned furniture, stopping dead in his tracks as his eyes struggled to take in a strange sight before him.

Atop one of the tables lay Bixlow, obviously quite nude, though his large cape shielded the S-class mage from having to see his lower half. The naked male, though wasn't what had him really dumbfounded, nor was it the silver haired Sabertooth mage curled up against his side. No, it was the sight of the elderly Porlysca curled against his other side that had Guildarts struggling to keep the liquor in his stomach from reappearing.

Quickly sobering up with the sudden urge to vomit, the crash mage went running for the bathroom, opening the first door he came to in hopes it would be the room he needed. Unfortunately, it wasn't.

Curled up with her fellow alcoholic mage, Cana lay surrounded by bottles of liquor inside a tiny storage room, giggling as Bacchus' hands tickled her, the older man planting drunken kisses on various patches of skin exposed to him. The only good part of the scene was that both mages were at least still clothed, though it was obvious it wouldn't be staying that way for much longer, unless an angry father put a stop to it.

"What the hell are you doing to my baby girl? Bastard!" Guildarts hollered out before grabbing Bacchus by the throat, straggling the drunk man who only laughed in delight, apparently not aware of the fact that his life was in danger. Cana was no better as she clutched her stomach, laughing hysterically at the sight of her father being overprotective and trying to kill the other man.

"I fucking kill you, you sick pervert!"

* * *

Sometime later in the morning the mayor of Magnolia had returned to see half the town destroyed, and knowing exactly how it had to have happened, he quickly set out for Fairy Tail's guild. Walking into the building he could only look around at the bodies of passed out mages; obviously everyone was still too hung over to be awake. That wasn't going to stop the man from finding out who was going to foot the bill for the town's repairs.

"Alright! I demand to know who is responsible for this?" He hollered out.

"…"

"…"

The guild remained silent, only a few snores and gurgles heard from the inebriated guests. The mayor's attention, though, was drawn down to the floor as a small green cat dressed in a pink frog suit waved at him.

"It's all Sting's fault." She chirped, pointing at the sleeping blonde curled up against an overturned table, his wife sleeping peacefully on his chest with their pet snake resting beside them.

The mayor wasted no time in approaching the dragon slayer, pinning the bill to the man's vest before stomping out of the guild.

"I should have known… it's always Sting's fault."

* * *

**Haha... I forgot to mention Cobra x Kinana and disappointed Droy x Risley, lol! Knew I was forgetting someone in the summary. Alright, next chapter later today or tomorrow... it will clear up exactly what happened between Rogue and my character, so look forward to that.**


	3. Rogue's bonus chapter!

**And thus it is completed! This is short, not as crackish as I originally planned, but still confusing, I'm sure... it's more for MFRogue (BTW, Rogue, when you read this... and I know you will... think hard on the comment at the end of the first section about you poking me in the stomach with a finger... that is in reference to that rather strange conversation we had after you asked me to bear your children... hopefully that brings back some memories for you... :P). And sorry, Sting, I kinda vilified your Exceed.  
**

**Anyway, hope you all enjoy this... I'm off to writing yaoi *sobs***

* * *

"How is this supposed to work?" Rogue quietly asked the brunette who had just proposed something that was so spectacularly amazing he was having a hard time believing it would be possible.

"Well, I guess he just uses his magic on you or something…" Rena answered; looking up at Gildarts as he drunkenly glanced up at the ceiling, laughing as Happy chased Lector around, throwing fish at Sting's Exceed.

"…And it won't kill me?"

"…"

"Woman?"

"Well, Natsu survived it… so I'm sure you'll be fine." She reassured, laughing nervously as she avoided eye contact with the scowling man.

"Humph, fine… but if I die, I will take you with me."

"Right, right… straight to hell and all that good stuff… but I'm sure it'll be totally worth the risk!"

With the shadow dragon slayer in a tentative agreement, Rena snapped her fingers in the veteran mage's face, successfully getting his attention back on the matter at hand. Gildarts' lack of focus certainly had Rogue feeling quite nervous, but if Natsu could survive being split apart, he had no doubt he was powerful enough to see the woman's plan through to success.

"Alright, Gildarts," Rena began to slowly explain to the man who was blinking at her owlishly, obviously confused about where he was. "I need you to use your crash magic and split Rogue into two, kinda like you did with Natsu, just not as many."

Gildarts just turned towards the Sabertooth mage, frowning at the young man who only stared back, face as stoic as ever. With a quick nod and grin, though, the S-class mage agreed, holding his hands up to the now nervous Rogue. Sting and Luna, who had been silently watching up until then, glanced at each other, neither quite sure how this could end.

"This may hurt… I'm not sure, though… It may also kill you… *hic*." Gildarts warned before breaking into an uproarious laughter and unleashing his magic onto the dragon.

As the smoke cleared, Rena, along with Sting and Luna, waited in a tense silence to see if Rogue had survived; somehow the rest of the guild continued on with their celebration, no one paying any mind to the situation at Sabertooth's table. Most were too busy watching the far more tense and dramatic scene unfolding at the stage where the bouquet toss was occurring, all too engrossed in the beauty and confusion that came with the sight of Max cradling his beloved Broom.

As the trio heard an echoed groan from the slowly dissolving cloud, they all breathed a sigh of relief; Rena releasing Gildarts who quickly lost his balance, falling back onto the table next to theirs, crashing through it to the ground. No one even glanced at the man as he loudly began snoring; so far gone that he didn't even notice his daughter being carted off by a very drunk Bacchus.

"Rogue?" Rena asked timidly, taking a few unsure steps towards where the dragon slayer had flown from Gildarts' magic. "Are you okay?"

"Humph." His voice echoed again before the dragon slayer finally emerged from the rubble.

"I'll be damned…" Sting mumbled to Luna. "Looks like he's still alive."

Rena blinked at the scene before her; the mage she had come to adore was standing there, noticeably shorter, next to an exact replica of himself. The twin Rogues looked at each other, each gently lifting a hand to touch the other's face, as if trying to determine whether or not they were real. After a few seconds of examination, the men immediately turned their gazes to the woman who had made their longest held desire come true.

Rogue and Rogue silently observed the now fidgeting brunette for a moment, before nodding in agreement toward one another and moved in on her. With a slightly more gentle expression on their identical faces, the split dragon slayers each took one of her hands and pulled her in the direction of the guild's kitchen, ignoring the confusion clearly written on her face with their actions.

"I believe your idea is worth a reward… I shall allow you to share in my ravioli…" Rogue(s) explained, sending the woman into a wide-eyed state of shock as she began to imagine what could very well happen that night.

As the couple (trio?) entered the kitchen, the two Rogues backed Rena against the counter with a well placed finger against her stomach, sending her a look that told her –

_**Due to the rating of this story, the following scene has been censored to protect innocent minds, and prevent a mass death event through nasal hemorrhaging amongst the readers. The author is sorry for the inconvenience, but wishes for you to enjoy the following lost scenes from the reception in the meantime. *insert troll face here*  
**_

* * *

The Fairy Tail Exceeds had their share of fun at the reception that night, though the chaos that ensued for them was easily overshadowed by the sheer insanity that radiated throughout the guild that night.

Happy, Charle, and Lily had seated themselves at a table with most of the core Fairy Tail members, but as the human mages got lost in the revelry, the table quickly became their sanctuary amidst the raging madness. Unfortunately, with the help of two Sabertooth Exceeds, the peaceful entertainment did not last for the three.

"You look like a teddy bear." A voice chirped from behind Lily, drawing the older cat's attention to the smiling, innocent face of Rogue's partner, Frosch.

"Excuse me?" The scowling Edolas soldier asked, hoping he hadn't just heard what he thought he heard.

"You're ears make you look like a teddy bear." She repeated, still smiling at the spluttering Lily. "And Lily is a girl's name."

"What?" Lily shouted, but his annoyance quickly faded as Fro continued to smile cutely at him. The panther found himself feeling completely helpless, unwilling to be caught yelling at Rogue's absolutely adorable Exceed.

"Fro thinks it's cute, though." The frog suited cat exclaimed before turning away from the faintly blushing Lily, jumping down from the table to find Sting's pet snake and poke him with her paw; it was all apart of her diabolic plan to take over Earthland with her cuteness.

As Lily continued to wrap his mind around his short interaction with the cheerful cat, Happy had a far more difficult problem with Sting's smug partner, Lector.

"So, you're pretty cute, for a wimpy Fairy." Lector stated as he approached the shocked, and greatly annoyed, Charle. "Why are you hanging out with this pathetic excuse for a cat?"

"Hey! Stay away from Charle!" Happy yelled at the grinning Exceed.

"So anyway," the other male cat continued, completely ignoring the now fuming Happy. "Come over to our table, it's the best table in the guild; Sting-kun said so."

"No, thank you." Charle answered, snuffing Sting's loyal companion, much to Happy's delight.

Lector found himself frowning at the rejection, but he refused to give up. As Sting's long time partner, he would not lose to the likes of Natsu's cat. With that determination in mind, Lector quickly flew off, returning only a moment later with a beautifully wrapped fish.

"Here, I found this for you."

Charle allowed herself to glance at the gift from the corner of her eye, going wide eyed at the elaborate decorations adorning the fish, as well as the fact that the catch was of an extremely rare species that was known as a delicacy within Fiore. Before she could even think of accepting such a lovely token, though, her blue furred companion flew in front of her as he shouted at his new rival.

"Where did you get that? That's the fish I found for Charle!" Happy hollered out, causing Charle to go wide eyed as he blatantly accused Lector of stealing his gift for her.

"Well, you should have been more careful with it, then. Finders keepers, as they say." Lector said, brushing off the accusation as he shoved Happy to the side so he could once again offer the fish to Charle.

The white cat, at this point, was truly torn on what to do. On the one hand, the fish the Sabertooth Exceed was offering her was exceptional, but, on the other hand, he didn't actually go through the trouble of catching it himself; Happy did.

Again, though, she was stopped from having to make any decision on the matter as Lector was suddenly pelted with a trout, drawing the cat's attention to the air where Happy flew overhead with a basket of fish, launching them at the rival Exceed.

"Oi! What do you think you're doing?" Lector yelled out, flying up into the air as he dodged the scaly projectiles.

"Stay away from Charle!" Happy hollered back as he chased the other cat around the guild.

"Damn it! Stop throwing fish at me! Sting-kun! Help!"

Unfortunately for Lector, Sting was busy being dragged away by his wife at that moment, unable, and unwilling, to deny her demands for ravioli.

* * *

Once the chaos surrounding the bouquet toss had died down, and Laki had gotten a chance to help repair Broom, the stage was suddenly taken over by Blue Pegasus' flamboyant Master Bob.

"Alright gentlemen," Bob greeted the onlookers, smoothing out the pink tutu he had worn for the occasion. "As a gift to the happy couple, I am giving free pole dancing lessons to all the men here!"

For whatever reason many of the men decided to stay and take up the cheerful master's offer; many of them taking pink tutus of their own as he handed them out.

"Okay, to start I shall demonstrate the proper technique necessary to hold yourself up on the pole, followed by a simple spin."

The slightly overweight mage swiftly lept up onto the pole that had magically appeared before him, grasping the metal bar tightly with his hands as his legs crossed around it to hold him up. As soon as he had a hold he deftly spun around it, slowly sinking his body to the ground and striking a pose on the floor.

The men in the crowd cheered at his skills, even if it was a simple demonstration, and called for him to do more. So, with a nod towards the backstage, Bob prepared to perform for the crowd as a spotlight hit him and club music began to pump out from the lacrima speakers. Every mage there cheered him on as he did his amazingly acrobatic routine on the pole, many throwing jewels onstage as tips. Wolf whistles rang out over the loud music as he got into it, spurring the Tenma master on further.

After a good 15 minute routine, he finally brought the show to an end to an uproarious round of applause before stepping aside to give some of the other men a chance at showcasing any potential hidden talents.

Natsu somehow was chosen to go first, the hyper dragon slayer leaping onto the pole in his tutu quite the entertaining sight for everyone there. After a rather comical routine, Lucy finally took the stage in a valiant attempt to drag the fire mage off.

"Come on Natsu, that's enough, give the other guys a chance to… enjoy their lessons…" Lucy prompted the grinning man.

"Awww, but Lucy! I was having fun up there!" Natsu whined, though it wasn't as believable with the sly grin on his face as he wrapped an arm around the woman's shoulder. "I bet you were enjoying the show, too."

The blonde could only stutter and blush as her best friend erupted into laughter. Fortunately at that moment a rather bold, unnamed mage, decided to jump in front of Natsu and challenge him to a fight. From there all the men lost track of their pole dancing lessons, much to Master Bob's disappointment, instead they found themselves caught up in Natsu's erupted fight, whether any were all that willing to fight him was, as always, up for debate.

"KYAHAHAHA! Who's next? I'm all fired up!"

It was moments later that Lucy found herself running from a pack of horny man, clothes burned to ash, and wishing she had just stayed away from her best friend that night (well, at least until the 4 day ravioli session, that is).

* * *

The next morning Sting awoke to the face of his beautiful wife, who was scowling at him through her hang over; no matter, she was still his lovely Lady Luna.

"Morning, babe." He grunted, grinning at her as he stretched against their table. As he lifted his arms over his head he felt his skin brush over a piece of paper on his vest. Quickly looking down he examined the note, cursing under his breath at the bill pinned to him. "What the hell is this?"

"Fro said it was Sting's fault!" The green Exceed proudly admitted, causing Sting to frown at the cat before shrugging in defeat.

"Well, I guess that's to be expected since, of course, everything is always my fault. I'll take the blame for one hell of a party!"

"Yeah, but still… that's a lot of money…" Luna said, having taken the bill from him to assess the damages.

"Just pass it off onto someone else; it's your fault someone else should have to pay it all." Sly told them with a yawn, looking around the guild for a good victim… errr… willing volunteer.

"Right, good idea, Sly!" Sting agreed, taking the bill from his wife before walking through the guild, spying a passed out Makarov who would probably be more than happy to foot the expenses of the destroyed town. Well, at the very least he should be used to it by then.

As soon as the note was pinned onto the master, Sting turned around to collect his guild mates when he spied his long time partner emerging from the kitchen, dragging something behind him with his cape.

"What the…?" The blonde mumbled, he and his family moving towards Rogue to see what he had.

As soon as they got closer, Sting spotted brown hair peeking out of the mantle, which he also noted was stained in blood.

"What the hell did you do to my long lost sister through a different family from another country?" Luna screamed out, rushing towards the prone form on the ground.

"Ra-… ra-… ravi… oli… so much… sauce… the kneading… so… good…" The nearly unconscious woman mumbled out as Luna examined her, shrieking as she saw all the blood gushing from the woman's nose.

"I must say… it's a miracle she lasted as long as she did…" Rogue absently said, apparently not bothered about the fact that his girlfriend/stalker/steak-cooking-slave was bleeding out while wrapped in his cape.

"Where are her clothes?" Luna screamed at him; Sting had taken to just standing there, staring blankly at the sight of his nearly dead sister as his wife lectured the other dragon slayer. Sly was just trying not to laugh.

"Some were lost…" The stoic man began to explain. "Others were… beyond repair…"

Luna could only stare dumbly at him at that point before glancing back down at Rena again, a shudder running through her as she tried not to imagine what had happened between them that night. Seeing that the other woman was at a loss for words, the shadow dragon slayer began to make his way out of the guild, dragging the prone body behind him as he left. Fro quickly jumped onto the woman's chest as her partner walked away, poking the unconscious woman's forehead while smiling dumbly at the situation.

"Wait! Where are you taking her?" Sting called out, finally shaking off his shocked stupor long enough to feel some sort of concern over what was happening.

"Are you stupid?... I'm taking her to the hospital… She needs a blood transfusion… Do you think I'm about to let someone with adequate ravioli die so pitifully?"

"At least carry her there!" Sting called back after getting his answer.

"What? I already sacrificed my mantle to her… I don't want her blood on the rest of my clothing…"

"Well, she'll die from a head injury just dragging her up or down any stairs." Sting tried to reason, pointing at the couple of steps leading up to the main guild door that Rogue had stopped at.

With a defeated sigh the grumpy dragon slayer twisted the fabric of his mantle together, allowing him to lift the wrapped woman up like a handbag of sorts, Fro laughing the whole way as she was lifted up, too.

"There… better?"

"…Much…" Sting replied sarcastically, rolling his eyes as his guild mate went back to carrying Rena out.

"Well, at least he said he doesn't want her to die…" Sly tried to reason. "I guess that counts for something."

And thus… unsure on how to end this story… everyone there lived happily ever after. Though Makarov did have a heart attack as soon as he saw the bill, but he didn't die, of course, but they thought he might for five whole chapters. Once he recovered he smacked every female's ass he could find… and a few effeminate males he couldn't tell the difference with. But other than that, everyone lived happily ever after…

* * *

**Can ya tell I didn't know how to end this? lol**


End file.
